Hi,

The last and sixth chemotherapy was completed Friday 12th August, but I was reminded by the doctor that they see the chemotherapy sessions as three week cycles, so I am still in chemotherapy until Friday 2nd September and this is when things start to change. It is then that I can start to build and re-build and slowly start to feel any improvements.

It has been a long year and I have forgotten what it feels like to feel well. From the shock of February, to the surgery of March and the chemotherapy in April to September, it has been a slow and, at times, a difficult process. It has gone minute by minute, hour by hour, drug by drug, and day by day. I don’t think I have ever watched the clock so much and so intensely.

I am now anaemic and hoping not to have a transfusion, so I am really exhausted and I still feel nauseous, but know I am not going to be sick. The physical effects of chemotherapy are still taking their toll on me and according to the doctor they will continue to affect my body and / or demand continued processing for anything from the next six to ten months. Essentially, it will take longer than I think it will to sort this stuff out. Patience is what is required here. And that is just for the physical effects, somehow I have to bring along (or rather slow down) the psychological effects of what has happened. Though I will ‘feel’ better as I go. This may not be incremental, but will generally be in the right direction; upwards. I think my hair growth will help here as it may represent how well I am, how patient I am and really how slow it will be to get better; it will grow about a centimetre a month (in the summer months less as it gets cooler) so by Christmas it should be about 4 to 5 cm long!!!

I have also made two scrap books to start my recovery process; one for hospital appointments and what has happened since February and one for the all the cards, emails and letters that I have received during this time too. It was lovely to do, where I read and re-read the many cards and emails you sent again. It was also very emotional and exhausting.

I can now look at them whenever I need to or would like to. They are easier to access than when they were decorating the house, though they did make the house more colourful and warmer. I have to thank you for them again, I will treasure them forever.

I am reminded I have the fashion show to look forward to on Friday 16th September, a holiday in Gran Canaria in November and getting a physical exercise programme in place to get my fitness going; it will start with walking and we can go from there. I am also looking at an organic diet with so called anticancer foods and getting some help with the psychology of breast cancer from the Fountain Centre; treatments and counselling.

Thank you once again for being there and here’s to re building and growing from this experience and seeing how it all turns out.

You have been fabulous.

Love Helen x