Hi,

A massive thank you to everyone, once again. For everything.

Thank you all of you who texted and emailed pre fashion show to wish me well, it was lovely to hear you were there.

Thank you to all of you who kindly bought tickets and / or donated to the fashion show and hence The Fountain Centre. I hope you all had a good / great night. The atmosphere was fabulous, the music up lifting and bouncy and the models who were inspirational – you should hear their stories!!!

It was lovely because I was seeing all of you, helpful as you took away any anxiety I had about the evening as I could only see the people I knew in the audience and it was emotional because it was a long evening, which brought back what has happened to me this year. It was also emotional because of the other models and their stories and because they were ‘young’, but also because I need to move on slowly from this point and it is scary. I did cry at the end of the evening it has to be said.

I was shattered all weekend after Friday night, I was exhausted on every level. It is amazing how different post chemotherapy tiredness is. I was wiped out in every way. Maybe it is close to the tiredness of ME with a smattering of Post Traumatic Stress included for good measure? It is the best description I can get to at the minute.

Friday was a conclusion of the events of this year. It was a powerful resurgence of everything; February 3rd ‘The Day’ and the decisions and psychological changes that followed, March 1st ‘Surgery’ and the physical changes that happened and April 26th ‘The Chemotherapy’ and the grim existence that happened as a result of it. And everything else in between.

Cancer has wiped me out, destroyed much of my life and changed me forever – both on the inside and outside. However, it has been a ‘pause’ and a time to reflect too. It has shown me what lovely people I have in my life; Ian and Tom and my lovely friends; including Kate, Maureen and Hilary. It has brought me into contact with some wonderful people from class, clients and others who I meet on this journey who have been touched by cancer themselves or work with it on a daily basis; especially Claire, Tracey Irvine, Helen McKinnon and those at the Fountain Centre.

This has been on hell of a journey and one that continues. Getting back to reality and up to speed is scary and frightening, but also doable. I think you will make the adjustments before me – you will be a quantum leap ahead of me and I will still be in the dark ages – so I will be patient with myself and continue in my pause with some small windows of reality opening up from time to time, bringing me back to the real world, but seeing it with different eyes.

Thank you again.

Love Helen x