Hi,  Everyone,

Well it has been nearly two months since I officially finished chemotherapy and, with the blessing of my oncologist, I started exercising when I started to feel I was coming out of the chemotherapy haze. So for the last two months I have been walking and / or doing my version of pilates, going to Hilary’s class when I feel I can and things are improving. My heart rate is coming down, my stamina is getting better and I feel like I have more energy. I am also less tired, but I do get tired more quickly by the end of the day; bed around 9.00 seems to be the norm at the minute. I have to keep myself in check more often now.

Psychologically I have had to remind myself that things are different as many people I know have made a fabulous quantum leap to me being back to my old self and, while this isn’t wrong and is a positive thing and completely normal for all those around me, I am still in the dark ages of evolving into a ‘new’ me.

A good thing that has also happened is that I started back to work a week or so ago and everything has gone quite well. I have decided to go back slowly and have done so for three main reasons; one, I can’t do lunches, two my mind needs the stimulation of work and three I was getting more depressed / more mood swings not working. So those I haven’t been in touch with I will be very soon when I get some more stamina in the system. For your interest I have spaces towards the end of November and the beginning of December, that is how spaced out I am in more ways than one!!!! I am allowing more time throughout the day so I can recover between clients and do any paper work if I need to as I can’t work into the evening as I used to yet.

Finding myself is going to be a slow process where a ‘new’ Helen will probably materialise. This, I suspect, will take time as I am changing in my head space, psychologically and emotionally, and I have changed physically, which I am learning to appreciate and live with. My hair is returning, though it is white – shocked as my hairdresser calls it – and it may be curly, though it isn’t long enough at the minute to really tell apparently.

To help with this I joined a brand new support group for ‘younger’ women who had or have had breast cancer and am finding it inspirational, distracting and really supportive. We are chatting, discussing and laughing at times about what we have been through. It is good for the soul at the minute. We are hoping to put together a calendar along the lines of the Calendar Girls in support of the Fountain Centre – we have a professional photographer on board, make-up artists, ball and bridal gowns available to us and the wonderful setting of Fetcham Park Country House – or Downton Abbey to you and I!! If you would like to purchase one or more for Christmas please just let me know. No we aren’t without clothes, we will just look like we are!!!

Thank you for being patient with me, for everything you have done or said over the past year, I can only begin to say how supported I have felt and feel. I feel so humble and would like to thank you all in person; I may have an open house when I feel emotionally stronger so I can speak to you face to face to thank you. I will let you know if I feel up to this before Christmas.

Thank you again, for everything.

Much Love Helen x